How are potential victims of sexual assault treated in Germany? Part 1

This is my experience with a potential sexual assault victim. Taking the little boy to the Kinderklinik/Uniklinikum in Würzburg was not a decision taken lightly, nor was it without foundation. There were a series of signs that preceded this decision. I witnessed a substantial change in his behavior and attitude, as well as physical signs that something was not quite right. All this since the last two times that I picked him up from his mother's residence.

Again, I repeat, this is not a direct or indirect accusation, my concern was based on the knowledge I’ve gained during my education and also my work, my reaction as a concerned parent and after consulting with a couple of experts on the subject. Something was scaring and bothering my son.  

On the afternoon of June 23, 2023, my concerns grew even more when my baby began to cry inconsolably with fear in his eyes (I will not write in this post what symptoms or signs he showed, that will be in another post , since this post is to relate my experience with the Kinderklinik/Uniklinikum in Würzburg).

As I lived near Marktheidenfeld, the nearest hospital would be in Lohr am Main. I drove with my son there, and we arrived at exactly 8PM, just as the clinic was closing. We were still able to talk to a doctor, but she said they couldn't help us and I needed to take him to a special clinic for children in Würzburg.

We arrived in Würzburg at 21:30; When the nurse on duty (nurse 1) asked me the reason for my visit to the clinic, my answer was: It is not an accusation and I am not pointing fingers at anyone, but rather according to the behavior that I have seen in my baby in the last few days and when you put it all together, it seems to indicate that he is being molested.

I had to wait around 3 hours until the doctor (doctor 1) had time to check the baby. It is worth mentioning that there were only two more patients, one before us and another that came after us. Both were treated, no one else was waiting, but nonetheless we were still waiting for an available doctor.

Finally doctor 1 allowed us to enter the examination room. He asked me to undress the baby, it hurt me a lot to do it because my son was terrified and wouldn't stop crying desperately. Doctor 1 said that he would take notes (I didn't really see him taking notes) I only saw that he was taking photos of my son's private parts with his work cell phone, according to him.

Doctor 1 told me that there was nothing else he could do because he needed to talk to his superiors first, and since it was already the weekend, we had to stay in the hospital and wait until Monday. Doctor 1 also mentioned that on Monday the baby would be seen by several “specialists” who would carry out more detailed and precise tests including psychological tests by a psychiatrist (which makes sense because when there is abuse, not all marks are physical). Doctor 1 also mentioned the creation of a safety plan on Monday.  

Around 12:45 AM I drove back home to pick up more clothes, diapers and food for the weekend. A few hours later that day (Saturday June 24th, 2023) I drove back to Würzburg. We arrived to the Kinderklinik/Uniklinikum at 8 AM as doctor 1 instructed me just hours before. I still found Doctor 1 at the clinic, however he seemed angry.

We waited another hour before we could talk to the morning shift doctor (doctor 2). She repeated the same thing, we needed to stay in the hospital until Monday for “professional specialists” to check the baby. At this point, doctor 2 asked if there was a custody dispute between me and the baby's mother. My answer was yes, we are going to court for my right to spend more time with my son. I stressed that our visit to the clinic was not related to the custody case, but based on my concerns as a parent.

Again, I was not asserting that the baby was being abused, I only took him to the Kinderklinik/Uniklinikum in Würzburg so the experts could confirm or explain why the baby's behavior changed drastically and why he was so scared and traumatized. Also, why his private parts were swollen and bloody.

How are potential victims of sexual assault treated in Germany? Part 2

Some basic instructions I learned about dealing with victims or potential victims of crime include: being supportive, helping to develop a safety plan, letting the victim know you care about their safety and not shaming them, and definitely not blaming the victim. This should be common knowledge and not a bullet point list in an office.

That Saturday, our first day at the Kinderklinik/Uniklinikum we were interviewed by the two doctors on duty (doctor 3 and doctor 4). I was surprised to witness how angry they were at me! or at least they seemed. The first question they asked was whether the mother knew that I was in the clinic, to which I answered no, that she was on vacation abroad. The doctors forced me to call her and tell her what was going on almost like hinting that if the mother wanted to come pick up the baby she could, even without further investigation or testing.

That was pretty much all that happened on the weekend, just dealing with nurses checking the baby's temperature from time to time and asking if he was sleeping well. Of course he slept well! he woke up crying and then I had to move him to my very small and uncomfortable folding hospital bed, so he could sleep in my arms, safe and secure.

After hours of trying, I finally got through to the mother; She came to the clinic in the afternoon and didn't say anything, instead of being worried about the situation, she was angry. However, she was kind enough to leave the baby there with me at the clinic.

The crisis however could not last forever and as we survived the weekend and the arrogance of doctors, finally Monday came. We wait anxiously for specialists and “authorities” in the field of abuse. Hours passed and no one updated me or even said anything, instead they put two more patients with their caregivers in the same room. Can you imagine a small hospital room with 4 beds and 7 people inside? oh and let's not forget, it's summer and there's no air conditioning, what a good combination right?

The doctor on duty that day reconfirmed that the specialists would examine the baby, only that we had to wait because they were very busy. We are going to call her “doctor 5” , a doctor who according to her profile on the Kinderklinik/Uniklinikum Würzburg’s webpage, “is not a tenured doctor but a substitute doctor”.

At around two in the afternoon, doctor 5 came and took us to a small room where she began to check on the baby. Once again, they asked me to undress him and it goes without saying that the little one was terrified and crying uncontrollably, it was a very stressful situation for him followed by a massive anxiety attack. There was another doctor in the room (doctor 6?), she looked more like a med student than a doctor.

Doctor 5 checked the baby's breathing, also vital signs such as pulse and temperature, and that was basically it. At the end of the examination, another female doctor (doctor 7), whom I would classify as elderly, came into the room and did not say a word to me or my baby, and did not examine the baby. The checkup did not take more than 10 minutes, and more than half of this time consisted of looking for a little toy to make the baby stop crying.

By this time, the baby's mother was back at the hospital. After I finished dressing the baby, I went to the crowded room where the mother of the baby was waiting and asked her if she could stay in the clinic that night if the baby needed to stay because it was late and we had not yet seen the promised specialists, those very serious and busy professionals that we were promised to meet. To this question the mother sarcastically replied that the baby would not stay one more night, that doctor 5 had already told her that the baby would be discharged.

I cannot find words to explain my frustration about everything that happened next! I don’t even know where to start… while I was with the baby in the checkup room, doctor 5 decided that the little one would go home. Doctor 5 completely ignored me and instead went to the mother to tell her the decision of discharging the baby. When I found out about this, I went to knock on doctor 5’s door; it took a while but she opened the door.

When confronted, her answer was yes, the baby was going “home” after she finished writing a report. That was it, no specialists or any further tests/examination, just a report given to the mother and me in the same room. This was not only unprofessional, but also unethical and negligent (where is the privacy, it was me taking the baby to the hospital because of my concerns, and doctor 5 thought it was a good idea to deliver the report to both parents together?). By the way, another doctor physically threatened me and closed the door in my face. I asked for his name to make a report but no one gave me an answer.

To add insult to injury, the report (one paragraph consisting of three lines) mentions nothing about swelling or blood in his private parts, his anxiety, or continuous pain in the crotch area, or anything of value whatsoever, just that we were in the hospital from 06.24 to 06.26. This was the “report” that Doctor 5 took more than two hours to type. How could I take such a report to the police, or to the Jugendamt; Who do these doctors protect, the possible victim of sexual assault or the possible aggressor?

If this still doesn't make someone's blood boil, wait until you read what happened next at the Kinderklinik/Uniklinikum in Würzburg.

How are potential victims of sexual assault treated in Germany? Part 3

Abuse is devastating for the victim and family members; coping mechanisms are also available for family members. Parents/siblings of the abused child may also need their own treatment services to help get the family through a tough event that can affect everyone. If a child reports the abuse to you there are some basic do and don’ts:

Do:

Offer comfort, ensure his/her safety, reassure the victim they did nothing wrong, reassure the victim that you believe them, offer comfort, report to authorities immediately.

Don’t:

Do not interrogate the child, do not use words that may scare the child (for example rape, jail, etc), do not act shocked or doubtful, do not accuse them of lying, do not blame or shame them.

 Doctor 5 came to the overcrowded room, by this time, one of the patients had been discharged; doctor 5 asked the remaining patient to go out to another room while she would talk to us. To make is short, doctor 5 and nurse 2 informed us that they did not find any signs of abuse, the anxiety and fear of getting undressed in front of a doctor is normal for babies, that’s why he cried and had anxiety, and that there was no need for specialists to make further tests.

When I confronted them, nurse 2 said: I know you are upset, but this is all we can do here (wouldn’t you be upset as a parent?). Doctor 5 mentioned that the “Oberärtzin” (who turned to be the elderly doctor 7) saw the baby and she did not find anything. I pointed out to the fact that the “Oberärtzin” has not checked the baby, not even once, since the baby was in my arms at all times.

Nurse 2 continued explaining that she knew and accepted that the hospital did it wrong, that we should have at least seen a psychiatrist. This makes sense, when it was true my baby only displayed swollen genitals and a bit of blood (I use the word “only” sarcastically here), most of the visible symptoms he showed were related to his behavior and emotional trauma.

I think its easier to find physical signs of abuse in a girl, or what are your thoughts?

When I asked if that is how they treat victims or alleged (suspected) victims of sexual assault, Nurse 2 answers yes, that is all they can do at the hospital (a general checkup of weight, pulse, blood pressure, eyes and ears, lungs, and that’s pretty much what a general medical examination includes).

The following words from nurse 2 and doctor 5 left me speechless, they said: if I wanted a psychiatrist/psychologist to perform a medical/psychological examination to a baby suspected of being a victim of sexual abuse, “I had to find a psychiatrist myself and I had to pay for it”.

Additionally, they told me that I had to file a report with the police. When I asked doctor 5 and nurse 2 why they hadn't told me this on Friday night when I took the baby to the clinic, there was no explanation. If I had known, I would have immediately gone to the police that Friday and filed a complaint instead of wasting 4 days in the kinderklinik/uniklinik Würzburg!

It is not only the lack of professionalism, empathy, privacy, compassion, etc. but the fact that they did not believe me, that the burden of proof should be on the side of the victim instead of taking it seriously and doing professional examinations to find out if there was abuse or not.

Now I understand why so many people just suffer sexual abuse in silence instead of fully reporting it. What person wants to be seen as a liar, or embarrassed in front of nurses, doctors, other patients, even to the point to be treated like criminals? Who wants to go through that when claiming to be a victim? this is completely wrong.

My baby was released to his mother without any further action. The very short report states in part that it was a complicated family matter but that the baby was fine. I asked nurse 2 and doctor 5 if I was being discriminated because I am a father, or because I am foreigner, or because I don’t speak German well, or, or or?

I don't understand why they were so condescending to me. The staff did not care when the baby saw its mother and started crying and did not want to go with her; it broke my heart to see his beautiful eyes crying because he was being separated from his father, the person he felt safe and protected. On the other hand, the Kinderklinik/Uniklinikum gladly charged the health insurance company…

In my personal opinion, protocols have to change, "professionals" have to be retrained, only people with empathy should be hired for such important positions, and there must to be accountability if someone lies such as when they offer you to meet with specialists, make the patient wait for 3 days, and suddenly you find out from a third party that you and the potential abuse victim are not worth the time of the “professional specialists” who are supposedly committed to ensuring the well-being of all patients. Medical Doctors still abide by the Hippocratic Oath which stipulates in part:

"I SWEAR in the presence of the Almighty and before my family, my teachers and my peers that according to my ability and judgment I will keep this Oath and Stipulation.

I will treat without exception all who seek my ministrations… and I will seek the counsel of particularly skilled physicians where indicated for the benefit of my patient.

I WILL FOLLOW that method of treatment which according to my ability and judgment, I consider for the benefit of my patient and abstain from whatever is harmful or mischievous.

WITH PURITY, HOLINESS AND BENEFICENCE I will pass my life and practice my art”.

To read the full Hippocratic Oath click here.

But the dishonesty does not end there, Doctor 5 attested that the Overärtzin performed a medical examination on my baby, when I know for a fact that it did not happen. Shouldn’t it also be considered deceit, fabrication, misrepresentation, distortion, falsehood, an/or falsification?

I believe the violation of this oath should be considered negligence or disregard for human life, even criminal, or what are your thoughts? Potential victims, especially if they are our precious children, need to be protected, heard, sheltered, and keep safe. Thanks Kinderklinik/Uniklinikum in Würzburg.

Together we can change this attitude.

Please don’t forget to read my report of the Child Welfare Office (Jugendamt) in another post.

Miracle Solution

Apparently, the doctors at the University Hospital of Würzburg recommend this as a remedy when a person's private part is swollen and bleeding due to a possible case of sexual abuse. Unfortunately, no additional physical/psychological/behavioral tests are performed by “professional experts”  to assess the situation. Who really knows, you might not be worth their time, or maybe there is something more sinister behind such policies.

Snow White and the seven incompetents

I lived near Lohr am Main, a small but charming town where, according to some sources, was the residence of the girl who inspired the fairytale Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. This story has been one of my favorite stories for as long as I can remember.

The side story takes place in Würzburg, a charming medium-sized city, a place I have called home for many years. There is no concrete evidence about the veracity of Snow White, however (and sadly) there is real and detailed evidence of the parallel story that I have been telling.

This horrible story involves 7 doctors and nurses (so far, I can only name seven) from the Snow-White corporation of Kinderklinik. I am sure they are very intelligent folks, perhaps eminences who have won awards and accolades, or graduated at the top of their class (or perhaps not), and they love to be called by their pompous and bombastic titles, such as MD. Prof, Director, Oberärtz, Seniorprofessor, Leitung and who knows what else.

Please don't get me wrong, I have great respect for doctors and especially nurses; there have been nurses and caregivers in my family. Most of the nurses and doctors I know are exemplary, selfless, humanitarian, kind, understanding and considerate, but there are some bad apples, as in any profession.

Additionally: I’ve been treated before at the Uniklink Würzburg and I had very good experiences with them. I'm not accusing everyone, not at all, just those that mishandled my case.

Unfortunately, based on my experience at Kinderklinik Würzburg, I have to say that I was treated unfairly, condescendingly by “professionals” that ignored/disregarded my concerns. So far, I have written two emails to the Kinderklinik following the chain of command, but up to now I have only received a letter from them, a letter with vague statements but with very clear threats.

Keep in mind that I've been on this crusade primarily because of how bad they treated my baby, a possible victim of sexual abuse, but I'm also doing it for your children, and your children's children, in case something similar happens to them one day, they will encounter competent and good doctors who will believe them and take the necessary steps to protect them from further harm. This in contrast with the story that me and my baby experienced, a story I call: Snow White and the seven incompetents.